Posted in Book

I see London, I see France by Sarah Mlynowski (Review) 

I see London, I see Paris by Sarah Mlynowski

well to be honest this is my first book-review that I’ve ever been to go public, I mean I always do some review and books-talk with one of my friends (Kenni 😘) but posting a review is quite terrified 😦 I dunno either if I could do some review or I just would mess them around, but then, after a lot… a LOT of thinking, I guess I’ll give a little bit try and see how it works *fingers cross*

yesterday I just finished reading an interesting book tilted I see London I see France, for me personally this book was light, I mean it wasn’t hard to digest, the characters, the point of view, it was really suitable for summer reading, eventhough summer was over but still this book was delighted to read
the story was about 2 childhood besties travelling to Europe together, at the first chapter I was like oh-this-is-kind-of-travel-guide-turned-in-to-novel things, like the rest travel based novels we often find at the book store.. but don’t get me wrong, slightly yes.. a quite so, but the things made me so interested by this book were the characters and the Europe.. haha I love Europe


if I could put it into the word it would be “an honest work”, the reason was we could see from chapter after chapter that the author really took care of the individual she made, I mean Sarah knew exactly how her characters were like, so I personally could feel what they felt. if that character was one kind of drama queen and she let her be, so. I know now that the drama queen’s mind looks like or how the main character did her mapped travelling while took care of her mom mental health condition by text, backpacking from London to Amsterdam to France then Switzerland, and Italy while kept thinking about deal with secret love, temptation of trés-hot guys, and yeah do not forget about the cheating ex boyfriend scenes, omigod!!!! .. kind of common though but I still couldn’t stop grinning or even laughing by the way she wrote her work


this book was in another level, the true and honest work were really captured my mind, for me it wasn’t just a book but a travel guide for a young lady with backpack.. beside of all the hot guys and travel issues this book also gave us a lot information about the beautiful places in Europe, the cost, and do not forget about the food.. omigod I just love the fooooddds,  and even this book was marketed or the young adult but I think this also suitable for the teenage readers hehehe
Well, that’s the end of my review… I’m just happy it’s over, but then see how it will turn out hehe, thanks for reading


Posted in Book

ハロウィーンにぴったりな読みらしく本~~ Books for Enjoying Your Halloween

It’s been a while since the last time I posted something on my blog, haha a lot of stuffs has to be done by this last trimester, specially due to the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) that I have to take by this December, and bloody hell I take level N2 which is just one level below the highest one, holy crap!!

well, that would not be an excuse for me to not writing on my blog in this month.. speaking of which.. the Halloween is near at the door bell.. yippee!!!!ヽ(´▽`)/ and for celebrating this Halloween, well I, myself prefer a home-stay and read my fave books than go out to some of fancy places where all the people gather and do the Halloween’s stuffs (or whatever they call it anyway) 👈 it‘s really thankful to be an introvert ☆ヘ(^_^ヘ)

Here a list I think will be sunshine on my own Halloween !(^O^)y

1. Say Her Name by James Dawson

2. Dangerous Creatures Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

3. The Rise of Hotel Dumort by Cassandra Clare and Maureen Johnson

4. Hunting Prince Dracula by Kerri Maniscalco 

5. Vampires, Scones,  and Edmund  Herondale by Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan

6. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

And plenty waiting-list books that yet to come, but I guess this enough will do.. And what plans you have in your Halloween?

hope this would help you find “the other taste” of Halloween, and thank you for reading… また、次の投稿でねぇー 😀😊

Posted in Writing

A Letter for The Tired Soul

have you ever been going through these moments? or questioning your own life? 

You know, what is the most important thing in the world? bunch money in your account? your diploma hanging on the wall? or else? you, not you I meant everybody indeed wants to live safe and sound.. in the comfort zone,  but what if somebody just can’t? does it mean the end of the world? betrayed? abandoned? judged? for that person? 

Tired of endless walking and not knowing which way to go, I collapsed on the street called tempest, overwhelmed by the things surround you that before were your companies,. what does it feel like? betrayed by the ones you loved, abandoned by the ones you thought you could count on, and seemed like the whole world stands against you.. alone.. alone.. alone.. you knew what those feelings felt like? I bet you didn’t 

Why I weren’t them? they are so lucky to have life as they want! but me?! me?! I can’t be selfish! I have no time for myself, I want to do on my own but I just can’t.. everyday is a battle field for me, where the anxious takes a wheel and chains me tightly, I mean where that damn f*cking thoughts came from??? sensible nerves? you kidding???!!!  or only a feeling??!!  you also kidding me! I know!! I know all the positive and encouraging quotes all over the world and I think I knew it better than anyone else, like what? “there is always rainbow after the rain?” or “the end of tunnel is usually a valley?” or what else? “you’re strong and this is nothing but just a intermission in your beautiful life” or this one,  oh my gosh!  I feel really suffocated now “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” look, those are nothing but a vacant words that going viral in the era of technology holds the rules worldwide

Oops, don’t get me wrong!, “oh! don’t be such a drama!? that’s useless! just live your life and go on!” don’t point finger on what I wrote before, I didn’t intend to seek an attention whatsoever, but IF I DID, what was wrong about that? people are craving for loves, attentions and cares and that’s why humanity is called a social species.. we need each other, to look after each other, to care about each other.. not spending your time finding a way to lift up your status from “well being” to “superior being” 

Well, let’s be realistic… I want this to stop!! I am on the limit of my being, I didn’t think I could make it, I’m really tired and want to rest, I sleep but I don’t rest, my mind preaches me every time with treacherous testifies.. please! somebody, make these stop! it’s painful and painful.. I feel nothing but numb, I disappointed my own self,  I disappointed the ones who love me, and I thought I shouldn’t be the way I am now, it was such a bad decisions for being the way I am now.. if just I could turn back time and made some changes but it’s a way too late.. 

it’s to late.. 

Why it has to be me? didn’t you find another individual from the “uppers” to bear these all?? what did I do so wrong? why isn’t everything stopped? the only way to stop it only feel nothing at all? stay alone at the end of my life? because it is all indeed my own problems? 

Oh dear..

To the ones who ever felt or still feeling those suffering thoughts, I encourage you that you’re not alone going through these all, I’m here even as a virtual intellectual but I’m still here I’m always been here, not all the pains I have ever experienced, barely it might be but I know how it is to be alone, to be left behind, to be abandoned.. I knew that dear,  every story has been written all over my arms, and I was dead once.. but you’re the precious thing I’ve ever had. and you don’t have to be that

Whatever you feel that’s the real! the fear is real, the loneliness is real, the pain is real, the grief is real… and also my LOVE for you is REAL.. just be yourself, if you wanna cry, cry till nothing tears left behind, if you wanna curse, curse until there’s no word left, but after.. pull yourself together! face your fear, it won’t hurt you even they are real, they have no power against you even they are real, you’re stronger to drag them down even they are real.. money, future, health, are things we can’t guarantee but don’t let the unknowns be your triggers to fear.. the unknown means a preparation for our future.. standing firmly my dear, it won’t be that long.. this isn’t a vacant word spoken out but this is the real words outreach you, my derest

Somehow the tunnels weren’t over, somehow the nights took some long times, somehow the storms stayed for moments, and somehow they might won’t be over at all. And somehow my dear, we could do nothing but wait..  wait till the tunnels reach the valley, wait till morning comes.
Listen to the voice whispers your soul, said how precious you are, trust what your faith told you, though your world may fall and fail, the faith in your heart will stay still unshakable.. be brave knowing you’re not alone through these nights, even when fight calls, take a heart my dear, take a heart.. what faith inside yours, that’s the greater of all… 

no matter how hurt it was, how wounded you were or how broken your soul was.. one left the matter is your faith inside you, my dear.. that’s really does the matter. 

I love you with all I am, 

Your good-wisher 

Posted in Culture

イケメン、イケボ、そして 声優達 ~~ Ikemen, Ike-bo,  and The Seiyuus


今日はですねー… どんな話題になっといて?( ´ ー `) あー!ちょっと、最近個人的に気になることより夢中することがあったから、いいのかな?いいよ!(′~`●) やっぱりアニメに関するかな?アニメが好きなんだから… じゃ、始まりますよっー
最初は、皆さん、日本と言えばどんなイメージが頭に浮かびましたか?ドラマとかJ-Popとかアイドルとかアニメとか?まあ、いろいろっすね~~~ でも、皆さんに一番ポップしたイメージはやはりアニメですよねっー、分かったわよ~ じゃ、そうする 😏☆

If you heard the term anime, what the first thing pops up in your mind? The artwork? The character? Or the voice behind? Yep,  for me personally I really fall in love with the voice behind the characters, have you ever wondered why the got so charming voices? I mean that voice could make you melt, right? For example, from the-hot-devil-could-make-you-sacrifice-your-soul Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler/Daisuke Ono), or the-angelic-voice-perfect-charming-prince Tokiya Ichinose (Uta no Prince-sama), to the-genius-Russian-ice-skater-yet-sexy-bachelor Victor Nikivorov (Yuri on Ice/Junichi Suwabe)…

The word voice actor or well known in Japanese as Seiyuu is built by 2 kanji characters -Seiyuu (声優) –>声 (sei) means voice, and 優(yuu) means tenderness, gentleness and it also has a quite out of border meaning, as an actor. Thus, from those explanation we could surmise that the voice actor is a work of both sweet charming voice and work as an actor, doesn’t it sound impressive, does it? 

If you’re a newbie on seiyuu’s world, then try to take a break listening to some of their voices on YouTube (I mean watching their voice-role in anime) then you’ll get the stuff I’m talking about..

-or even listen to the quite hardcore ones (〜^∇^)〜

what do you think of those lists?  The voices could make you melting and shivering, couldn’t it? 

Told ya, right? *said Mamo-chan
In Japan itself, the term for the seiyuus who have charming voices will be called as ikebo, the term comes from the derivation of イケメン(ikemen/hot-cool guy) plus ボイス (boisu/voice) from the pattern we could comprehend what ikebo really looks like…


👉List of Ikemen-tachi

で、声優と言う仕事はアニメチャラを演じさせてに限らず、大抵は歌手とかナレエターが大量の数が持っています、どうしたこの状況が起きますか?声優達はもちろん声美が持っているのでだと思います、たぶん単純な意見なんだけど、でも 皆さんもそう思いますよね?

私にとって一番イケボ声優はマモちゃんに決まってます!ヾ(*´∀`*)ノ 耳潰れ “大好きよ“ とか “君を独占したかった“ とか 本当に堪らない声だと思います、本当に大好き ლ(⌒▽⌒ლ) マモちゃんは声優だけではなく歌手としても、舞台の俳優としても、エンタテイナーとしても、アニメの仕事もちろんだそうだ… Besides、マモちゃんは声だけじゃなくて顔もあぁぁぁ甘いー マモラードハンパじゃない?!👈 wait!? Why talking about mamo-chan???!!! SEIYUU!! SEIYUU!! We’re talking about SEIYUU-TACHI (´゜艸゜)

聞き逃させないよ、マモちゃんのイケボ \(^▽^@)ノ 💚💜

さー、皆さんどう思いますか?声優界は?if you found this article was really interesting, please leave like and comment or whatever lol.. Hope you enjoyed it 🙂

じゃねぇ皆… また次の投稿 ( ^^) _旦~~

Posted in Writing

The Things I’d Like to Write

What?!  You too??  I thought I was the only one

-C. S. Lewis 

where is the love?

where is the justice?

where is the accompany that’d been promised?

where is the safe haven, place to rest?

where is the arms to hold the tired?

where? where? where are those all???? I’ve been running for a half of my lifespan for just finding NOTHING? what a magnificent life it is!!!!!

there’s no tomorrow for the tired, no ways out, no door opened, no sanctuary needed.. in this dreadful-roller-coaster-world, the tired will be judged as the “prohibited human being” ain’t allowed to be sad, judged as an insane by having issues, finger-pointed when trying to find help!!

man, this world is much bigger! you’ll neither find the glamorous Las Vegas nor Hollywood nor peaceful valley nor anything else you might say! but this real world consists of sadness… everybody just tries try to conceal their feeling due to the prohibited law!! what a beautiful world to life in!

no humanity left, even in the figure of life-being-brought-you-life, I wonder is it because of the lack of knowledge? or simply has reached the limits? or the definition of love is just that? wow! what a way to be a human!

is not a sin to have issues, not a sin either to be prisoned of thought, not a sin either to feel wanna live in the far-shore, and not a sin either to try finding a new page to life

but it doesn’t work as simple as they say, having issues (every issue included) is a state of over sensible nerve!! we’re living in paranoid, panic alert, frigid.. we need a hands to hold, a shoulder to cry, eyes to see through the pain tears, a lips to empower 

we’re not needing a judgmental point finger to guilt we ARE A LOSER, or sharp tongue to utter we are good for nothing but mass product, or demonic eyes stares at this self-hated-face just to testify how not worthy we are. 

Posted in 諸説



Disclaimer : the lost sunflower (part 1-2) was one of my first one shoot novels,  posted on previous blog back in 2012, I had made the renewed one, same title but expanding story.. I’ll post it later 

​”DON’T BE CHILDISH!!!” whose the voice is?!! “look what I’ve done for you!” ah that voice again, comes from the same place where the pains come

“hey! you hear me?” the voice again, wait!, whose actually it is?

horrifying, said ‘for what I have done?’ who is this?

“where have you been? how long will you tend me to wait?” again, huh?

“hey! over here..I’ve been waiting for you to listen to me!” JUST WHO

ARE YOU?! confused..forget at all

“how’s your day? feeling anxious again, huh?! but that was pretty sick, u know! see how great you drew that! do that again I’ll definitely like that!” voice again ignored, sleep on

“hey! who is the queen in front of you? she looks rather sad and gloomy, but she has really beautiful eyes! your acquaintance? hmm I wonder how she looks with smiley face!” annoyed, left the closet

“hey! me again.. whaccha wac’in? owh dats really good movie, look she is just like you, see!!” irritated, stop the movie


“wait! why are you so mad?! weren’t you the one said -don’t leave me all alone-?”


feeling wrath, going further than supposed to be walked, wiping out

“hey, look! I don’t want to have you understood  these all -not yet..but I’ll let you know I’m here always watching over you”

shut up! who are you! don’t pretend you know me inside out like everybody does! it sucks..I’m done!

“whether it is, neither you already saw nor felt isn’t the proof of the way I see you! you just aren’t mediocre”

 I dunno but feel at ease at the same time, what is this all about?

“Well, come up! I’ll show you something!” 

What a gentle voice… Ahh I feel something nostalic, It’s been a long time, 3 years? hmm nope it goes more than ages, the same voice I used to hear when I had eyes full of hope, said I was the most important person to the voice’s owner..was I? or still am I?

“see?! it is indeed beautiful, right?”

a tall trunk, they are more like an army -pack of them- stand firmly, look up to the sun, yellowish crowns together as one, a warm sunshine bathing on to the petals so shiny, and the dews which are yet to fade, the aroma of nature blend with the soft spoken wind sweeps gently to my hair, and above.. a blue sky with tinted cotton-like clouds, clear as long as the eyes could capture

 is this heaven?

“they live so safe and sound, don’t they? anyway.. do you know what will happen to the sunflowers if the sun is absent?”

since they are SUNflowers, they all will die I guess

“good answer my dear…hmm they still the sunflowers but they’re powerless, they can do nothing, they’ve to go through a condemned yet frightened night, if they can’t make it to the tomorrow, they are done”

wait, it seems something familiar with me, like I’ve been going though this convo, hmm how long it is..

what a selfish sun!!! why does everthing has to depend on him? But anyway if you’ve to pick, which one would you like to be? the sun or the sunflowers?

“you think? which one I suit the most?”

I dunno, I just happened to know you tho if I’ve to choose you’re the selfish one, bc you have your own composure, see?! like talking to me out of blue, compelling me to come to this place, and asking me kind of randomness.

 “am I really that bad in your eyes, am I not? Well, then you’ll be the sunflower? bc you couldn’t live outside my presence”

WHAT??! hold on, dude!!! just because I’m wounded and broken you thought you could jump in to such conclusion? you never know how to live my life just like I do! person like you only know the gleam side of the world! you haven’t even batted an eye for what is really going on around you!


‘THEN’ you said? you must be kidding me! YOU FILTHY! just reverse me to the way I belonged before! this ain’t supposed to be where I should belong

“but here is your home! you don’t belong there, this is where you belong to, you really don’t recall any of these? not even a piece?”

how could I remember something I guess never been happened in my life? stop making an excuse and reserve me NOW! I’M SICK OF THIS PLACE 

“why? why it got you sick? bc it tries to take all your true self to the surface?”


blue sky, swinging grasses, summer fragrance, the same aunflowers, the same eyes the same hand the same voice, it has never been changed, aahh the pain comes over again, the pain which determined my future in to the edge of the far shore world, rapidly slowly slowly vague whisper I heard, says I’m too worthy to be gone, ‘you’re mine! I hold on you! just hang in for a moment! don’t you EVER DARE TO GO!’

“what? where am I willing to go? how far it is? still I have a way back? but where?! I belong here since the days I could remember, if it does so.. how come I ended up here? ahh this pain starts becoming a habit I almost feel nothing but numb


teary eyes, but now it has a sound..more like a lament, it sings the shattered heart’s song.. the lament tells about the grief and groan no man would comprehend, the air is filled with tears that have been held back for over the ages…

“I’m here, you aren’t alone anymore”


Posted in Writing

To Love and Being Loved

in the corner of the dim light stage, the heart sat still, faced the nearly cracked wall with ripped blue-ish green wallpaper, she was murmuring something,  from the other side you could see her mouth chatted words,  soundless though. 

but for sure,  it was all words or might me a spellbound? no one knows..  she bit her lips, the groan came after that,  the hissing sounds then, something had come after.. the more deeper hissing she made,  the more redder her lips become

moment went by, she finally tasted not only sweat sweety taste but a quite bitter salty, “what is it?” she thought.. the bitter salty taste didn’t bother her at all,  compare to the other intense taste she had been tasting all over she could remember

but something beneath just went strange, the intense of the new taste she just discovered wasn’t satisfied her craving of satisfaction.. her hunger went peculiar “it’s not enough,  I want more!”

with her head up,  starred blankly at the ripped wallpaper wall, her tiny fingers slowly touched the things next to her.. a shiny flat with sharp cutting edge had been moved

(hey! wait! is she in to something “self-entertaining” bussines?)

her eyes was puffed, the color of mixed blue, pale purple, reddish brown were shown around her eyes, she knew for sure that look wasn’t pretty at all

then she looked at her tiny wrist, her eyes moved, along up to the arms full of ugly marks.. where all over the story had been written.. one, two, three, four, her lips again made a soundless tone.. counting “it becomes more than I thought”

she blamed herself for being so ugly, and weakness, she rolled her body and place her head down between her tired knees, she could do that for days.. it was not peculiar for her doing a rolled cake pose,  “nah!” she thought, “I am used to it”

what did heart actually think? unless she had brain,  but she was a heart not a brain..


the sun rose up, time changed and so did the day… but the things remained same for her.. the same stage, the same wallpaper, the same marks, and of course -the same me

at sudden, in the distance she heard something came closer, tap.. tap… it was getting closer

anxious? yes! who is that damn person? however, she still at where she was, but she felt her heart pounded so hard like the moment before the explosion, her instinct -that she thought had been dull- told her that something was going to happen

“this place isn’t reserved, is it?” someone pointed the space next to her “well..” she tried to sound friendly just like every time but this time she needed a space

“hmm, the same day, huh?” the newcomer said. she replied only with a smile -a bitter smile- she didn’t look at the newcomer’s face

“I wondered it for quite long time,  but after sitting at here, I already knew the reason why” newcomer started 

“the reason why you always sit here, starred at the same wall, the blueish green”

she wasn’t dare to pull her head up

“was that the reason, right?” the newcomer pointed at the ripped wallpaper. at first sight that was only a common ripped wallpaper then,  the more closer you took a look, the more clearer it became

she suddenly became frown, she drowned her head in to her knees while shaking her head

badly she felt injured right now! she tried to look at the ripped wallpaper, the blue-ish green… not the usual wallpaper, between the ripping place it placed something like a collation of pieces; a picture, a dusty sketch, a portraits of laugh not one but countless, the smiles from different eyes… 

there’s a portrait of little girl holding her stuffed bear, the little girl’s face had the same color with her puffed eyes before, but the eyes showed something else.

the next was a picture of men in warfare, three of them with the common army suit; different person but their eyes, had in common

“why you came here?” she tried to stand still, but the wavering voice had been out of her lips

“I wonder…”

she was eager to know who this person was, then she pushed herself to the direction of the newcomer’s.. she began to tremble, looking at the newcomer’s

the newcomer was the same thing as she was.. they are both ‘a heart’,  but something odd took a place at the newcomer’s 

she tried to get an idea of the figure sit next to her that now was in front of her eyes, she studied that figure…that body marked with a lot of permanently scars, some had been fully healed, yet some might be the newers

her eyes moved from badly wounded body to the face, looked at the newcomer’s face.. something attracted her attention 

from ugly to disturbing, her thought about those marks

“where did you get those?” she dragged herself to asking 


“love?” she looked puzzled

“indeed, just like what had already happened to you” 

“it does hurt, somehow I’m tired to love and give mercy for those who don’t even deserve it” she spat

“but that’s how heart works,  isn’t it?”

she paused for a moment

“to love regardless how much pain they caused, see.. even you know how to find love at war, how to see the beauty through pain, that girl, men are proofs”

“I hate seeing them suffer! I want to get rid the loneliness, feeling abandoned, and pain” tears slowly falling down on her reddish cheeks

“really? that’s why you cut yourself? like… everyday.. to stop the pain? to release yourself from them?”

she couldn’t find any word

“you will never be able to learn the true meaning of love unless you go through all the pains in the world” 

“love is the healing.. to love is the best healing for any wound, you take the pain and give love to the others,  because you know how much pain they will feel if they go thru the same path as you before..”

“you don’t wanna them to feel the same way as you did, from one perspective it was right, and then it was no longer called love.. love comes from the pain, the loneliness, the feel their crying hearts, you go into the depth of their souls, and you find them there.. you put yourself in their shoes”

“and you take all the pains to your very own self, and let them be yours”

“to love is a selfless, and being loved is a mercy”